Still trying to figure out when to best write here. Having that inspiration and the space to execute on that energy isn’t always so easily aligned. But it does make it feel that much more important when it does happen. I also have a few drafts saved up, but realized those drafts mostly screamed the wrong message and while we are here to be our emotional selves on this “blog”, I’m seeing that there is still a line to maintain.
April was another whirlwind.
It’s hard to explain it all, but the theme of ‘keep on’ remained relatively intact.
For May, it felt like three months instead of one.
June, still going. Work sucks hard. Life sucks hard.
I’ve been changing the way I respond to some things, and I’ve been a bit more “honest” at work. Honest in a sense that I will no longer be giving a shit about getting back to some people ASAP just because they don’t feel like respecting my time. While I’m saying no more, I’m still having to say yes more to more pieces of work which is definitely piling up on me. Self reviews are due tomorrow and I just let it rip today, honestly. I still feel like there will be no real improvement, but we’ll see.
One big thing I have done (again) is delete Facebook and instagram off of my phone. Facebook was just contributing absolutely nothing to my life beyond a few events that I actually need to re-check the dates on, but the content was not relevant to me, my friends don’t really post much if at all and I’m really there for the life updates so I’ll just check in via browser at some point to keep tabs. Same for Instagram, both apps were just feeding me nothing burgers. And I would cycle through them constantly and it would take away my attention. While that was a couple weeks ago and the changes are small, I think it is helping overall. One of the many small stones needed to turn the leaf, I think.
Since I’ve been trying on a path to being more intent-ful(?) and less wishful with my friendships, I was and still am a little bit nervous on just removing the apps cold turkey, but I’ve put more of that energy into fleshing this page out because that was the original intent anyways, and somewhere I spiraled and actually “used” the app more than normal. And for now I am keeping messenger, though I would need to let a group chat know of the intention to remove that app for good as well as close out these last few KQ team chats I’d be doing before taking a closer look at that. I also don’t want to be the person who is all “I’m GONE! Deleting this! So healthy!” and then of course back on in a few weeks shitposting. I’d like to find that balance that is there, I don’t want to put all these measures in place to limit screen / app time, but maybe bust those credentials out on the desktop once a month for a while.
Its okay for friendships and bonds to pass, but I suppose I’m saying I personally am a bit (extremely) on the sentimental side and find it easy to be sad for longer about things and people. So, remove the source, delete the app. Find the people that want to find you too. Trying that out.
Back on track then, I guess?
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